Sheep and Goats

Category: Bible Books

  • Jacob’s 12 Sons, Blessings to Each Over the Course of Two Watchtower Studies:

    At first glance, the Watchtower Study for Sunday seemed it be something of a yawner. Jacob’s deathbed prophesy to the last eight of his twelve sons (the first four were last week), and for most he didn’t have much to say. At least it was blessings, the Watchtower conductor observed, and not ‘You kids are driving me crazy! You’ll be the death of me. In fact, you were!’

    But, again, once you mix in the published text with fifty or sixty comments from the congregation, it turns around. What threatens to be dull becomes engrossing. The thing about the meetings, one newcomer told me long ago, is that you can prepare for them. It was a no-brainer to me, but he was contrasting it with his previous church experience, in which you cannot.

    With Gad, someone observed in paragraph 8 that it didn’t go according to plan. The Israelites were all supposed to cross the Jordan and settle west, but Gad wanted to stay on the east, which he did. He didn’t beg off, though. The tribe did cross to aid in conquering the promised land, but when the conquest was complete, they crossed back. This means there’s hope for guys like me, I figure, who does not do everything the conventional way—such as spending inordinate time online—but also fully ‘fights’ in the conventional way of door-to-door and regular meeting attendance. I mean, let your unconventionality extend to forsaking meetings and you become like the ember removed from the center that goes out; it goes out, not as a punishment from men, but as a law of physics. Hebrews says (10:24-25) that you’re not supposed to do that.

    Then there was Benjamin (paragraph 17), the tribe of the 700 men who “could sling a stone to within a hairbreadth and would not miss.” These are the guys you want when you are choosing up sides for dodgeball. It is also the case that when people have special abilities, they can begin to think themselves special and not subject to the norms that guide everyone else. (Sometimes I imagine I see people like this online.) Yet, the Benjaminites were loyal throughout to the cause. Even when their guy got ousted as the first king, they supported the arrangement that saw the prize going to another tribe.

    All twelve sons covered within a two-week period. And no, it was not me who observed that, whereas Reuben lost some privileges that ordinarily would have come his way, he at least got a sandwich named for him. And “gadfly” has nothing to do with Gad. It derives much later as a stinging insect that torments bigger animals. Socrates described himself as a gadfly stinging the ‘animal’ that was Athens, challenging the norms then prevailing.

     

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  • Twelve Instances of Stupid—Back to Back

    Twelve Instances of Stupid—Back to Back

    Huh! Twelve instances of ‘stupid’ in the Bible. As much as I have been through it, as many times as I have heard different ones cited, I never knew they were all in one place.

    The congregation has come around to Proverbs 26 for its weekly Bible reading. Proverbs 26–where all the ‘stupids’ are! One after another! Will I cite one for my own comment? If so, which one?

    Some of them are real beauts. Such as 8: “Like tying a stone to a sling, So is giving glory to someone stupid.” I mean, you want that stone to fly when you whirl it up with a sling and let go. You think David would have taken out Goliath had the thing been tied there?

    Bear in mind there is a moral component to ‘stupid’ as the Bible uses the term. It’s not just IQ.

    The ‘stupids’ are immediately followed by a collection of 5 ‘lazys.’ Again, some are beauts: “A door keeps turning on its hinges, And the lazy one on his bed.” (vs 14) And I can still recall the circuit overseer who loved 15. He quoted it again and again: “The lazy one buries his hand in the banquet bowl, But he is too tired to bring it back to his mouth.” Can’t quite get it back there, even if it means starvation.

    Then there is a long collection of unnamed stupids or lazys—usually stupids. Such as the busybody: “Like someone grabbing hold of a dog’s ears Is the one passing by who becomes furious about a quarrel that is not his.” Don’t think cocker spaniel. Think pit bull. Isn’t it nice when people mind their own business?

    They’re all pithy thought-gems. Seems like they would fit here.

     

    Keepers from Proverbs 27

    The congregation is going through Proverbs 27 right now.

    This one is a beaut. It just is:

    “Even if you pound a fool with a pestle Like crushed grain in a mortar, His foolishness will not leave him.” (27:22)

    Ha! Mash him and dash him, crush and smush, mix and reafix, run him over with a steamroller. Doesn’t matter what you do—that foolishness will not be separated from him.

    This one is a worthy runner-up:

    “When someone blesses his fellow man with a loud voice early in the morning, It will be counted as a curse to him.” (27:14)

    People should be banned who are too chipper—you know, that character who shouts “GOOD MORNING!!” when you are not even sure that it is morning, and if so, how you feel about it.

    I think the principle can be extended to those who think adding an exclamation mark will impart excitement to a text that is not otherwise that way.

     

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  • Hymenaeus and Alexander, and Escaping the Control of Paul.com

    If “shipwreck of faith” is the modern synonym for those who go “woke” from the Witnesses, what can be expected from that crowd—at least from some of them? The “shipwreck” passage itself provides an answer, where Paul counsels Timothy [today spun as though trying to “control” him] to “go on waging the fine warfare, holding faith and a good conscience, which some have thrust aside, resulting in the shipwreck of their faith. Hymenaeus and Alexander are among these, and I have handed them over to Satan so that they may be taught by discipline not to blaspheme.” (1 Timothy 1:19)

    “Blaspheme?” Why would they do that? Well, I guess in an actual shipwreck, one might imagine someone doing this: “I pray to you 24/7 and this is how you do me!???”* But why would you blaspheme a “shipwreck of faith?” And what form would your “blasphemy” take? And how would one hand such a one over to Satan that he might be “taught by discipline” not to do that? Is Satan known to discipline people?

    Maybe Hymenaeus and Alexander just started saying bad things about God—cussing him out for things that didn’t go their way. But it seems more likely that they started cussing out the ones who sold that way of life to him, when that life failed to meet their expectations. To put it in today’s screwy vernacular, they “woke” from those seeking to “brainwash” and “control” them. As they spread that bit of gangrene through the congregation, Paul counted it has choosing the world that Satan controls—there are numerous Bible verses that says Satan controls it—and censured them in some way, perhaps even removing them from the congregation, same as that ne’er-do-well at 1 Corinthians 5:13.

    Pay attention and you will see this sort of thing a lot. When Demas forsook Paul “because he loved the present world,” do you think Demas would have phrased it this way? Or would he have phrased it that he had escaped Paul.com, a high-control group he had been brainwashed into following? He may not have, for such lunacy was not embedded into the fabric of society as it is today. But the sentiments to foster that thinking was in place:

    “Furthermore, God made you alive, though you were dead in your trespasses and sins,  in which you at one time walked according to the system of things of this world, according to the ruler of the authority of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience.” (Ephesians 2:2) The “the ruler of the authority of the air” is yet another reference that Satan controls the world, through “air” that has “authority”—try swimming upstream to appreciate the “authority” of our surroundings. It only operated then in the “sons of disobedience’—it was not universal. But in “critical times hard to deal with” it IS said to be universal, and is chief among the reasons those times are “hard to deal with.” (2 Timothy 3:1-2)

    If, in an age where people had to be counseled to “be obedient to those who are taking the lead among you”—people who were used to the concept of obedience and just had to transfer it to a new authority—how much near-hopeless is the task of giving that counsel in an age where people think obedience is anathema—where “woke” people will spin it as someone trying to “control” them!

    At the end of the Letter to the Ephesians, Paul writes: “Tell Archippus: “Pay attention to the ministry that you accepted in the Lord, in order to fulfill it.” (Ephesians 4:17)

    Who was this fellow Archippus? Almost nothing is known about him. In an obedient era, he would have responded to Paul’s nudge to get his rear end in gear. But had the “sons of disobedience” gone “woke” in his crowd, he would have told Paul that he is done with Paul.com seeking to control him.

     

    *the actual tweet of a 2012 Buffalo Bills player who dropped the game winning pass in overtime. I mean, it was a picture perfect pass and it just flew through his fingers.

     

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  • Putting Lipstick on a Pig: Paul to the Philippians

    Nobody in Bible times was better than Paul at putting lipstick on a pig. Nowhere does he do it more than in his Letter to the Philippians. Here he is in the hoosegow, enough to discourage anyone, and those at ‘TheWaySucks*com’ and the liars at ‘WeLovetheWay*com’ are saying it’s his own fault. They’re hoohawing and making catcalls over his imprisonment, saying his brothers sold him out and so forth. They even say the Way is hemorrhaging members!

    But Paul says,

    “Now I want you to know, brothers, that my situation has actually turned out for the advancement of the good news, so that my prison bonds for the sake of Christ have become public knowledge among all the Praetorian Guard and all the rest. Now most of the brothers in the Lord have gained confidence because of my prison bonds, and they are showing all the more courage to speak the word of God fearlessly.” (Philippians 1:12-14)

    I mean, the guy wasn’t easy to discourage. But, was the Way “hemorrhaging members?” Apparently (allowing for the hyperbole), it was.

    “For there are many—I used to mention them often but now I mention them also with weeping—who are walking as enemies of the torture stake of the Christ,” he says at 3:18. He wasn’t happy about it. He mentioned them with “weeping.” But it didn’t change the big picture. Do you think some of these new “enemies” were included in 1:15-17?

    “True, some are preaching the Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter are proclaiming the Christ out of love, for they know that I have been appointed to defend the good news; but the former do it out of contentiousness, not with a pure motive, for they are intending to create trouble for me in my prison bonds.”

    And so he pulls out some lipstick and applies it to the pig:

    white pig
    Photo by mali maeder on Pexels.com

    “With what result? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is being proclaimed, and I rejoice over this. In fact, I will also keep on rejoicing.” (1:18)

    Thus, one might think of the modern slogan that goes: “All publicity is good publicity.” A middle ground is evident in 1:15-17. Some were outright enemies, but others were only sort-of enemies. The sort-of were doing it, preaching the Christ. Only, not with “a pure motive.” What would have made the motive pure? Apparently, recognizing an organized arrangement, in this case centering on Paul and his companions and on who sent them. Rather than loyally support these ones, they were “intending to create trouble for [him] in [his] prison bonds.” 

    You don’t hide that you have enemies. You advertise it. They validate you.

     

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  • They will not put up with the wholesome teaching, but … will surround themselves with teachers to have their ears tickled.” (2 Timothy 4:3)

    There is a speaker who uses his own children to illustrate the verse. He doesn’t use them specifically, but he has several of them, and the application would not likely have occurred to him otherwise.

    ‘Say your child approaches mom for an ice cream bar at 4PM, clearly not ice cream time,’ he says. ‘Mom says no. Unperturbed; the child then approaches dad with the same question. Dad says no.’

    Searching for someone to tickle her ears—tell her what she wants to hear—but so far, her search is unrewarded. 

    He continues: ‘But, if she can find a grandparent . . . ‘

    Ah yes, in that case her search will pay off in spades. 

    The illustration is a favorite with his children and whenever he travels to give a public talk, they want to know if it is the one where he talks about the ice cream.

    As for me, I many times used to explain that if they were to "not put up with the wholesome teaching, but according to their own desires, they will surround themselves with teachers to have their ears tickled” and the verse was written long ago, perhaps it also was fulfilled long ago. If so, that would account for how most church teachings are not found in the Bible, at least not straightforwardly. It is the attempt to read them in that causes people to tear out their hair in frustration.

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  • Just How Replaceable are Children? (Job 42–the Resolution)

    "When reparations are made—only after Job has carried out the above instructions and interceded for his former tormentors—there is no question that Job has won his case. He went from everything to nothing and he goes back to everything. His lawyer got him twice what the insurance company said, not to mention (42:13) seven additional sons and three additional daughters.

    "Here, [Harold] Kushner chokes. Most today at least would do a double-take. Just how *replaceable* are children? Kushner’s Job-like time-of-trial came when he and his wife lost their son to prolonged and painful illness. Though they subsequently had other children, it’s not as though these were *replacements*. Even the suggestion of replacements in Job’s case strikes him as repugnant.

    "How to work this one out? It may be as when, decades ago, an African Branch representative of my faith visited the States and repeatedly made the observation that back home, “life was cheap.” Not that he wished it that way; it was just an unpleasant fact that people adjusted to because they had no choice. Maybe that reality also defined the ancient time of Job.

    "This is the same Branch representative who gave a few talks in large assembly and teased his American audience about being “so spoiled.” He marveled how each family here had their own “washing up machine.” He marveled at how each adult not only had his or her own car, but also a garage in which to put that car. “In Africa, four families would live in that garage,” he said.

    "Maybe his words supply the answer. The backdrop of Job surely was closer to the backdrop of then-Africa than to America. Maybe to people not spoiled by washing up machines and garages in which to put their cars, maybe to people who have adjusted to life being “cheap,” maybe such people are less inclined to rail at God for deceased children; having long-ago adjusted to the reality that such things happen. Maybe such people thank God for the new children but do not blame him for the ones departed."

    From the book: 'A Workman's Theodicy: Why Bad Things Happen'–available at Amazon

  • Did they tell Charles Darwin that God was picking flowers?

    Did they tell Charles Darwin that God was picking flowers?

    Charles Darwin’s favorite child, Annie, contracted scarlet fever at age 10. She agonized for 6 weeks before dying. Also a casualty was Darwin’s faith in a beneficent Creator. The book Evolution: Triumph of an Idea, by Carl Zimmer, tells us that Darwin “lost faith in angels.” That’s an odd expression. Why would it be used?

    Did they tell him that God was picking flowers?

    Is there any analogy more slanderous to God than the one in which God is picking flowers? Up there in heaven He has the most beautiful garden imaginable. But it is not enough! He is always on the watch for pretty flowers, the very best, and if He spots one in your garden, He helps himself, even though it may be your only one. Yes, He needs more angels, and if your child is the most pure, the most beautiful, happy, innocent child that can be, well….watch out! He or she may become next new angel. Sappy preachers give this illustration all the time, apparently thinking helps.

    The picking flowers analogy is nowhere found in the Bible. However, there is a parable parallel in all respects EXCEPT THE MORAL AT THE END. It is the one Nathan told to David after he had taken Bathsheba as a wife and killed her husband.

    “The LORD sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, “There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor.  The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle,  but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.
    “Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.”
    David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the LORD lives, the man who did this deserves to die!  He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.”
    Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man!”             (2 Samuel 12:1-7)

    This analogy appeals to us. It is just. The man is not expected to take comfort that the king stole his wife. No, he deserves execution! So how is it that preachers have God doing the same, expecting it will comfort? Of course it will not! The man who stole the sole lamb deserves to die! Preachers make a horrific mess trying to extract themselves from the moral corners their doctrines unfailingly paint them into.

    How different history might have been had Darwin known the truth about death. Not just Darwin, but every one of his time, as well as before and after. Instead, fed a diet of phony pieties….junk food, really…..he and others of inquisitive minds searched elsewhere in an attempt to make sense of life.

    two doughnuts in brown box
    Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com

     

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  • Book of Galatians: Chapters 5 & 6 in Today’s English

    You are free from slavery. Don’t go back to it. Or if you do, you’d better not miss a single one of those ‘I’s or ‘T’s. (5:1-6)

    You were doing so well. Who tripped you up? Who made you think you need circumcision? It ain’t me, babe. Those Jews would give me a free pass if they thought I was turning Christianity into just one of their outposts. “Just you wait, enry iggins”—they’ll get theirs. (7-11)

    In fact, I have half a mind to come and kick them in the nuts so hard that they won’t qualify to serve in the temple that they want to drag you into! (12)

    No, brothers, don’t go there. Just don’t. You don’t need their picayune Law. It all boils down to love anyway—that is the greatest part of it—so if you get you head around that, you’ll do just fine. You start nitpicking at each other over every pissy little thing and you’ll tear each other apart! (13-18)

    Don’t do bad things. Do good things. What do you mean, ‘What bad things?’ “No back-biting, no ass-grabbing, you know exactly what I mean!” \[thank you, Randy Neuman\] It shouldn’t be hard, if you really are following the Christ. Do the best you can, and don’t go thinking that you are better than the other guy. (19-26)

    Chapter 6

    Okay, let’s wrap this up. Don’t be babies—man up, but pull each other out of the crud when you have to (be sure you don’t fall in yourself). (6:1-5)

    Don’t try to Play around with God. You can’t. Keep on keeping on—it will all pay off. Lend a hand where needed. (6-10)

    See the large letters I make, all by myself with my own hand? Why? Because I am blind as a bat—that’s why. I dunno—it comes and goes. That’s why I insulted that pompous character before I knew he was the high priest. I asked God to take it away, but he said, “Nah, it keeps you humble.” And it has. It’s not an altogether bad thing to have a thorn in the flesh. (11)

    Now, remember—they are pinheaded louts trying to lay their Law on you. And why? They’re just chicken themselves—like Peter might have been, but he saw where he was heading and corrected himself. They don’t want to stand out among their cronies, and they want to find strength in numbers by having you do what they do—it will hide their cowardice. What! You think they do the Law themselves? No way! They just want to do some back-stabbing and ass-grabbing themselves and then throw in a gerbil or something for sacrifice to make it all good again. Come on! Please—you are too smart not to see through them. (12-16)

    I’ve suffered for carrying the good news of the Christ. So have you. Don’t turn back to be a law nerd again. Press on ahead. God will back you. So will Christ. (17-18)

     

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  • Book of Galatians in Today’s English: Chapters 3 & 4

    What on earth is wrong with you? How can you be so dumb? You break free but then turn around and go back because you forgot your leg irons? Are you kidding me? (3:1-5)

    Don’t pull this Abraham stuff on me. Wait, no. If you want to talk Abraham, let’s talk Abraham. You think he earned anything? No! He “put faith in Jehovah, and it was counted to him as righteousness.” THAT’S what you want to take away from Abraham—his faith, and how he pointed the way for other people to have faith. Not the later Law—that Law did nothing but show you up for the basket cases that you were! Did you manage to keep it? No! All you did was screw up. That’s why when Christ comes along, you are supposed to say, “Exactly what we need! Thank you, thank you, thank you. (6-11)

    You don’t go back to the Law again—what’s wrong with you? The Law has nothing to do with faith. Christ pulled us out of that—THAT’S what Abraham was pointing to, and you want to dive back in again? (12-14)

    Okay, now look—let’s take this real slow. Take notes if it will help. So Abraham gets a promise that means the Christ will come through his lineup, but how does the Law figure in? It comes 430 years later. Does it change his promise? I don’t think so. (15-18)

    Why the Law? It’s because you guys kept messing up, that’s why. And it was supposed to dawn on you that you DID keep messing up and that you’re never (and yes—me, too) going to come out like the champion of Jeopardy. You weren’t supposed to think that dotting all the ‘I’s and crossing all the ‘T’s would get you there—besides, you missed lots of them. (19-22)

    Yes, it gave you something to do and kept you off the streets. But now that the real thing has arrived, you can set down your slates. Class is over. You can join in with that promise to Abraham. (23-29)

    Chapter 4: 

    It took a long time for you to get to where you are. A lot of work went into it. Don’t mess it up. (4:1-8)

    You had real freedom. I mean, real freedom in Christ. And now you want to become law nerds again and focus on dotting ‘I’s and crossing ‘T’s? Really? What! Do I have a death wish or something? What am I doing this for? (9-11)

    Remember the good times we used to have? Remember how you used to loan me your specs? You didn’t then stick out your foot to trip me up. What’s gotten into you? (12-16)

    Do you think that these controlling louts are your friends? They just want to be your bosses. “Meet the new boss—same as the old boss.” (17-20)

    Go back to Abraham, you law nerds, and take a point. Two women, remember? One a concubine, one a wife. Hagar gave birth first because Sarah thought she was too old to have a child. No mystery about how Hagar conceived. You see it all the time on TV. But Sarah! THAT’S where God’s promise came in, and she didn’t even believe herself it could happen until it did!

    The two women stand for two groups of people. Hagar, the one of ordinary birth, is mother to the ones of Law (that you want go back to!) Sarah, the one of the promise, is mother to the ones putting their faith in Christ. (21-28)

    The Hagar kid made trouble for the Sarah kid back then. It’s the same today with these characters trying to force their Law on you. But what does the verse say? “Take this Law and shove it! I ain’t workin here no more!” Keep it that way! (29-31)

    Next: Chapter 5

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  • Book of Galatians in Today’s English: Chapters 1 & 2

    Dear Galatians: Remember me? It’s Paul. How are you? (1:1-5)

    The reason I say ‘remember me’ is because I’m not sure that you do! I can’t believe how quickly you are screwing up! Is that chair I used to sit in even cold yet? What is this about louts trying to change the whole narrative? They’re not allowed to do that! Look, even angels are not allowed to do that! (6-9)

    You remember what a jerk I was. Nobody made more trouble for you than me. But after God let me hear about it right there on the Damascus road and that other fellow was sent so that I could see again, I went off to Arabia for three years to think about it. (13-17)

    Then I came back to Jerusalem and stayed with Peter for a couple of weeks. But no one else—wait, I did see James, but none of the others. Then I went off again. What! You think I am fibbing? For years and years, had you asked those apostles about me, they would have said, “I dunno. Your guess is as good as mine. He used to be the nastiest fellow. Now it looks as though he is on our side. Cool! We’ll take it!” (18-24)

    Chapter 2

    About 14 years later I figured that maybe I had better give those guys a call. I had Barnabas with me by then, and Titus—fine fellows. I met with them privately, of course, just in case I was not doing something—um, kosher. “You okay with this?” I said to them. “You’re not going to make Titus do that Jewish thing, are you? I don’t see any need for it.” They didn’t either! (2:1-3)

    It probably wouldn’t even have come up were it not for those pinheaded louts trying to drag us down, wanting us to everything Jewish that we don’t have to do anymore. We blew right past them, and it was for your sake just as much as for ours. (4-5)

    Okay, so I consulted with these ones—I mean, I guess they are important. I wondered if they might try to rein me in, but no!—they said, “Whatever you are doing, keep on doing it. We’ll stick with preaching to Jews, but you—I mean, Peter unlocked that door for the nations, so go for it! Just don’t ignore the poor.” Sure, I can do that. (6-10)

    But then Peter came calling later on and suddenly he himself goes all Jewish on me. Oh, sure, he pals around with these new Gentile Christians easy enough, but when his buddies show up, he acts like he doesn’t know them. I said, “I don’t believe it! Here you are living the free life, telling others to be like that, and then the narrow-minded fuddy duddies show up and you get all scaredy cat? (11-14)

    Yeah, well he’s a good sort, but he goes a little weak at the knees sometimes. You don’t have to do any of that Jewish stuff! What do you think the Lord is for? (15-21)

    Next: Chapters 3 & 4

     

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